ARE YOU WRITING A STORY OR A DICTIONARY?
I was recently participating in a discussion on the Absolute Write Water Cooler in the Horror Forum. A participant asked if he should use a certain word to describe a gory scene involving a victim being stabbed in the eye. The word he picked was a medical term that I’d never heard of. He asked the forum if he should use that word or pick something simpler. There were several responses asking what the word meant. I gave him my philosophy, which I’ve mentioned here in a past article.
Here is my quote from the forum: Simpler is better. Word economy and keep it at a sixth-grade level if whenever possible. Don’t try to impress your reader with big words unless you define those words. That means extra narrative that usually slows things down, unless it’s a key plot point.
Whoa… hold the fort! The board suddenly came alive. Several responses came along saying that the writer shouldn’t dumb down the story for the reader. Okay, I can understand that. One responder qualified that you shouldn’t throw the dictionary at the reader, but it’s okay to throw in new words and not explain them so that the reader has to go look them up. He said he appreciated it when he had to look them up, so he figures others will to.
How many of you would appreciate stumbling across a word where you have no idea of the meaning? Will you stop reading and go pick up a dictionary, ask someone, or go on line to find out what it means? Does the term, jerk you right out of the story mean anything?
When I was twelve, I didn’t have the greatest command of the English language. I still don’t, but it’s a heck of a lot better now. When I read the Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew or Edgar Rice Burroughs, did I go to a dictionary to look up the words I didn’t know? Not a chance. Did I ask someone? Maybe once or twice. I either guessed the meaning by how the paragraph was written, or I just glided over it and ignored it. I figure that’s what most readers today are going to do if I start throwing in a bunch of fancy words.
I like to use the occasional fancy word. However, it’s usually a technical term key to the story. I always explain it either through the narrative or dialogue. If I do throw in something wonky, my writer’s group will be sure to call me on it!
As a reader, even now, when I read someone like Dean Koontz (I’m a big fan when he writes third person), who likes to throw in the occasional freaky non-technical word without explanation, I’m not about to go running to the dictionary to figure it out. If the narrative or dialogue doesn’t explain it, I just blow it off. I don’t care that much. It is most likely a word I’ll never use in real life or in my own writing, so who cares? Using it doesn’t make me any more sophisticated or make my two Master’s Degrees any more valuable, so I just move on.
Sure, it would be nice to expand my vocabulary but once I do, who am I going to use it on? I would love to learn Cockney slang, for a hoot, but who would I use that on?
As a writer, please consider your audience. This is especially critical to young adult, but it applies to even the older crowd. If you’re shooting for the highbrow intellectual bunch, maybe you can dazzle them with ten dollar words, but if you’re appealing to a wider audience, KISS!
If I have to explain that acronym…
No, it’s not the band!
That’s it for now. Happy writing!
THE SHORT STORY – WRAPPING IT ALL UP
Going back through some of my published short stories, I found that the final scene count varied. The Walk Home had four. The Basement had seven. Don’t Mess With A Snorg had five. Fun In The Outland had six. In those examples, all still had the same basic three elements consisting of the beginning, the middle and the end.
Let’s consider the end, or the outcome of your story. What are you trying to accomplish? Do you want to leave the reader with a smile on their face? A tear in their eye? Leave them hanging? Whatever that might be sets your path. Compacting that path is the trick. That’s one reason you can’t clutter the story with too many point of view characters, too much description, and too much narrative.
Though this wasn’t a short story, per se, I once did a term paper for a college class. I forget the actual subject, yet I remembered the process. Go figure! The paper had to be so many pages, so many words, just like a short story. I had a subject with several parts to explore. I found one of those parts easy to research and came up with a lot of info. When it came down to writing the report, the words flowed out. Before I knew it, I’d gone way over the page and word count, yet what I’d finished was just one piece of the puzzle and still had to address the rest of the parts that needed to be combined to make the Big Kahuna. I could’ve ended up with a novelette for a rather mundane term paper, except I didn’t have near the inspiration for the other parts.
That anecdote applies to your short story. Don’t get caught up in a scene and forget about the big picture. You have a goal, the ending to get to. Don’t get lost in the middle and forget that you have a limit, or lose your direction and fizzle out. If it becomes all that important to keep going, I strongly suggest you forget about the short story and turn it into a full-blown novel. Follow your muse!
To me, the whole point of writing is because I love to write, to create and to follow my muse. That should be the same for you. Unless you are under a contract, or are being somehow forced to write this short story, don’t let it hold you back. On the other hand, if you just get carried away with a huge scene, but lose direction when it comes to wrapping up the rest of the story, time to back away and let it sit until you figure out what’s going on. You can always pare down the over-long scene. That’s called editing.
Let’s look at the opposite extreme. Say, you write your short story and you say what you have to in a lot less words than you expected. Your goal was four to five thousand words, but the story is five hundred. Is that bad, or did you just accomplish your goal too soon? Look at what you have. Does it have all the elements you wanted or did you just get in a rush to finish it? Can you expand any of the narrative or dialogue? Does it need to be? Let someone else read it. If they like it and they’re not your mom or a close friend or underling, maybe it’s okay. Just remember the well word cliché, Don’t fix something that isn’t broke!
Finally, it’s time to find somewhere to get it published. If you already have a word count, then I’m assuming you have a place to submit. If not, start looking. The only thing I suggest, which I’ve mentioned before and I cannot emphasize enough, never EVER pay to have your story published! EVER!
Until next time, happy writing!
THE SHORT STORY – MORE DETAILS
Since you have to write tight and concise, the story must be done in such a way to convey all the necessary details to get across your point, cram everything you want to say within the demanded word count, and still make it something someone would want to read. This isn’t as bad as it sounds.
For me, it’s just a matter of following my usual method which I’ve described endlessly in these pages. However, for those of you who don’t want to read through my previous blogs, I’ll ‘splain it once again. I know where I want to start and where I want to end. Everything else in the middle is a total surprise. That’s if I’m writing fiction. Now, what did I say in the last article on short stories? There has to be a beginning, a middle and an end. Yup, the pattern is right there. Since I already know two parts of it, all I have to figure out is the middle. In my creative process, that comes naturally. The trick is making it come together in the right word count.
The big hang-up between short stories and novels is word count. With novels, you have the freedom to write to your heart’s desire until the story’s finished. If it’s ridiculously long, you’ll have to pare it down into something marketable. Even then, there can be a lot of leeway. If it’s too short, you either have to shoot for a novella or it may be time to beef up the story. With a short story, things are more restricted. You can certainly come in under the word count if you finish saying what you need, but you can’t go over too far.
A lot of anthologies ask for between four and five thousand words. That works out to between twelve and fifteen pages double spaced in twelve point typeface (if I remember right). To get the story into that restrictive limit, I’ve found a basic formula that helps me.
I’ve mentioned several times that there should be a beginning, a middle and an end. With that in mind, I’ll write the story with three major scenes in mind. A beginning scene, a middle scene, and the slam bang scene at the end. The beginning scene introduces the main character or characters (usually two at most), the bad guy, and sets up the main plot. The middle scene puts the character (s) in the main conflict and has he/she or them beaten down by the bad guy. In the final scene, he/she or they rise above all and resolve the conflict.
Not to confuse you more, but that’s just a simplification in my head of how the story is laid out. In print, the actual story will be a series of scenes like mini-chapters, or groups of scenes that block together in my head to make the beginning, middle and end. In the rough draft, I may have written three original scenes or ten, but in the editing process, I’ll have condensed and combined or even broken apart into the final product to get the best flow. The finished story may have five, six scenes, or even two. When you set out to write your story, either keep those three parts in your head as you write, or outline them if that’s your formula. When it comes out in the wash, you may have any number of actual scenes, from one to who knows? We’ll talk more about number of scenes next time. The point is to organize the story into bite-sized chunks. That makes it easier to write and helps you keep organized.
This formula does not work quite the same for non-fiction, at least where plot is concerned. A non-fiction story should still have a beginning, middle and end. The difference is that instead, there should be an aim, a platform, or some kind of message (moral) to the story.
For me, when I sit down to write a short story, it’s like I’m writing chapters of a novel, except I’m not going to continue. Regardless, the story just flows out. I’ve been able to do it for some magical reason and my word count usually comes close to the ballpark every time. It may be over by a hundred words, maybe slightly under, but it’s never far off. Editing will take care of the rest. Why I can do this, I have no idea.
Next we’ll go into a few more mechanics. Until next time, happy writing!
THE SHORT STORY – BASIC STRUCTURE
For many of us writers, our beginnings were, quite naturally, with the short story. Most of us had to write term papers. Remember them? Not exactly what one would call writing for pleasure. I recall one in particular, from high school, where I had to write a story about a hike down the Central California coast, following the path of the missionaries from Morrow Bay south to Santa Barbara. The history teacher gave me a B and only docked me because the timeline was unrealistic. I vaguely remember liking that paper because a good dose of it was bull, mixed in with the research I was forced to do to “fake out” the teacher.
Any other term papers I did, including book reports (a form of a short story, if you stretch things) I don’t remember a thing about. I have vague memories of writing short little stories here and there, but the subjects are lost to the winds of time (how’s that for a metaphor?). In my case, by the time I took writing seriously, I went right into novel-length stories. When I tackled the short story format, I’d already had four or five full length manuscripts under my belt. In that respect, I already had my mojo working for me.
Many of you starting out will want to stick your toe in the water. The way to do that is with the short story. There is less effort involved and less to lose if you miss the boat. If you take your time and structure it right from the get-go, you’re less likely to fail, especially if you have a great idea but need the structure to put it together.
All stories, whether short or long have the same basic format. There’s the beginning, the middle and the end. The difference is that with a short story, you have a lot less real estate to work with. We’re talking between five hundred and five thousand words. For an extreme example, when I lived in Indiana, back in 2001, there was a writing contest in the local newspaper for a fifty-word short story contest. Yeah, that’s right, fifty words. That’s about three or four sentences. I submitted around a dozen stories to that contest but didn’t win. In fact, I never saw the winners. We missed the paper that week. It was rigged! They cheated! They don’t know talent when they see it! Well, at least I didn’t have to pay to enter.
In a novel, you write scenes which give you a chance to leave the reader hanging so that they’ll turn the page to read the next chapter. You don’t have that luxury with a short story. You have to grab the reader’s attention and keep it within one to a dozen pages, and that’s it. You have to grab them in the beginning, keep them in the middle and satisfy them in the end, with a conclusion.
With such short space, that means you have to write tight, keep the narrative short, and keep the point of view (POV) characters to a minimum. Too many POV characters weakens the story and leaves the reader confused. You don’t have enough space to flesh out each personality. It’s best not to have more than one or two POV characters, which applies to novels as well, though with the larger format, there’s more leeway.
Narrative and description must be kept concise. No time to blather about every blade of grass or the color of the lampshade and the shadow of the mailbox. If it’s a key plot point, fine. If you need to set atmosphere, do it quickly with as few words as possible. Don’t let that dominate the story or you won’t have any story left!
Next time we’ll go into more excruciating details about your short story. They’re actually quite fun to write, so don’t get too depressed. If you love writing, you’ll love short stories. They rock!
CONFERENCE REPORT – NO TIME TO BE A WALLFLOWER
Once again, I’m left with a tinge of sadness. It’s over. Three wonderful days of mingling with a great bunch of people. Money well spent. Time well spent. New friendships forged. Lessons learned.
Day one, Thursday I helped with the initial setup at the front desk. Since I’ve done eight of these, I had much of it down to a science. However, what I wasn’t prepared for was the huge flood of people that showed up at 11A.M. to sign in! In years past, we had the boxes with all the curriculum bags underneath the desks, ready to go. This year, we couldn’t keep up. Thanks to Darrah Whitaker, our secretary and the man in charge of the volunteers, he had the brilliant idea of moving all those boxes into one of the unused rooms. Before long, we had a smooth operation going and the flood of sign-ins went through without a hitch. I then helped set up the room signs for all the classes. With enough volunteers around by this time, I was free to browse around.
Throughout the three days, I didn’t hesitate to walk up to total strangers (with conference badges on, of course) and introduce myself. I’d ask them where they came in from and what they wrote, why they were attending, and even if they’d attended other conferences (to get intel on how we compared). You can’t be a wallflower if you’re going to learn. Take that to the bank! I met people from all over the country, most with books to pitch, but a few that were at the conference for the first time without a completed project. Bravo for them! That’s the way to learn.
As for intel, I heard the same thing over and over again. I won’t mention the conference names, but they spanned both coasts and confirmed my anecdotal evidence. These other events were too big, too expensive, and the attendees had too little time to spend with their heroes/agents/publishers. An average of two minutes if they were lucky. That’s after standing in line for up to three hours, paying $1500 – $3000 to attend and sometimes paying as much as $50 per individual pitch session! Need I say more?
Thursday I got to spend some quality time with Maxwell Alexander Drake before he was hijacked (I won’t say anymore about that). It was great to see him again. I’ve known Max for years. He’s a member of the Henderson Writer’s Group, though he’s usually too busy to attend meetings. He’s an outstanding speaker and is a tireless marketer. We’re polar opposites in our creative processes, but I love to use him as an example of the other way of how to create your story because his method works, if you are into meticulous outlining. He has the results to prove it. I see Max as one of the top fantasy authors in the country. He’s the genuine article. It’s a thrill to go to Barnes & Noble and see his Genesis of Oblivion books on the regular shelves in the Science Fiction/Fantasy section and not in the local authors section.
Friday, I just hung around. I had no intention of pitching my icky bug because there didn’t appear to be any publishers or agents that took icky bug. During the pitch sessions, I was joking around with Jo Wilkins (the Henderson Writer’s Group el-presidente and head of Mystic Publishers) between her clients and she said Treble Hearts Books took icky bug. I did a double take, because the description in the schedule said otherwise. Anyway, I pitched, the publisher was interested and wanted to see it. Unfortunately, I later found out she’s a Christian publisher. Uh oh. The Factory is set in a maintenance shop. The language of the characters and some of the scenes would not lend themselves to that type of a publisher! Scratch that one off.
Saturday, I floated around too. There were no particular classes that struck my fancy, so I stayed in the dining room and coached a few people waiting to pitch to agents. I attended a few classes including two that Maxwell gave, but then something funny happened. One of our other writer’s, Amy, had pitched an adult fantasy to a publisher that according to his bio, only took young adult. He told her he was very interested in seeing her work. I thought it was curious. He had a class at 9 about publishing finances, so I popped in at 9:30 and sat in the back. During the presentation, he talked about some of the books he publishes and I was surprised to hear that he publishes all kinds of genres. I approached him after the class and asked him if he took icky bug (I called it horror, of course!). He grinned and said he would consider it.
I immediately went out and made an appointment. I sat down with him and he loved the idea and wants to see it. Sunday morning, I went to his web site to make sure he isn’t a Christian publisher and sure enough, he publishes a wide variety of books. Guess which publisher is going to see The Factory?
That’s my story and I’m done for now. Yeah, you thought I was going to say that cliché, didn’t you?
Until next time.
ATTENDING A CONFERENCE – WHAT TO DO?
There’s a lot more to do than just pitch to agents and publishers at writer’s conferences. Though that may be the primary goal for most, especially after forking out some big bucks, one would expect something substantial in return, like a contract, or at least a foot in the door. However, being published from the get-go isn’t necessarily the goal of everyone attending, nor should it have to be for you, especially if it’s your first one.
From the economic side, with what a conference costs nowadays, what is the payoff. Besides the obvious, what about learning more about the craft? Expanding your horizons? Networking? Let’s not forget that the majority of these conferences are dedicated to these other aspects. After all, they’re called conferences, not pitch sessions. With that in mind, many attendees approach a conference as a learning tool.
Since I already had manuscripts ready, my focus was on agents. I paid little heed to the good stuff so I could get face time with so and so. That lasted about thirty minutes into the first conference in 2005. I not only found great pleasure in helping as a member of the staff, but I had some serious quality time with author James Rollins, one of my favorite writers. Then, when I had free time, I attended a class here and there and discovered I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was. Turns out there were some pretty knowledgeable people there and many of the sessions helped me become a better writer.
At each and every conference I’ve attended, even though I’ve been part of the staff, I’ve always found time to attend classes, chat with all of the agents, publishers or authors and had a great time. You, as an attendee, should be able to study the agenda and will likely have a difficult time juggling the classes to be able to attend everything you want so you don’t miss everything.
One year, a friend and I wrote a screenplay. Two screenplay experts came that year and I attended two very different classes on screenplays. I learned some valuable info on how to improve our draft. Another year, after I’d become the local expert on point of view (which I’ve talked about here), we had an author talk about that (James Rollins). I learned his side of things and we agreed on our approaches.
Last year was the web site year. I knew my first book was coming at the end of this year, so I needed to start a web site. However, I didn’t have a clue how to do it. There were several classes on web sites and I attended them all. Because of those classes, I finally got off my butt and now you are reading this.
When I attend the meals, I like to sit at a different table each time. It’s really great to talk to a variety of people and hear what they are up to. I’ve learned so much from other aspiring writers. We’re not alone in this passion! It is always interesting to have a heart-to-heart with agents and publishers and get the latest juicy gossip and snide innuendo (sorry, my language for gossip and trends) from the world of publishing. I’ve learned so much about the inner workings of the publishing industry from just listening to them.
Attending a writer’s conference is not just about getting a book deal. It’s about learning the craft of writing. It’s clearly a tough investment. I think it’s a lot better than spending a fortune on a garage full of poorly done books that nobody will read. Learn to do things right before you ever attempt to invest in something like that. Do it right the first time!
PITCHING TO AN AGENT – THE FACE-TO-FACE
Before, I alluded to the pitch session as a job interview. Well, my friends, that’s exactly what it is. The difference is that it’s a two way street. Not only will you be working for the agent and/or publisher, they will be working for you. When you get right down to it, you are also interviewing them. The biggie right now though, is that the person you are about to sit down with is holding all the cards. They have the power, the knowledge, and the abilities to take your hopes and dreams and turn them into a reality. Okay, maybe I’m laying it on a bit thick, but isn’t that why you’re there?
Okay, to make this less dramatic, you have a product and you’re looking for a manufacturer to produce, distribute and sell that product. That bland enough? You’re the inventor of said product. It’s your job to try to convince a corporation to take your product, refine it and produce it for mass consumption.
I think all of you have seen the movie somewhere where a guy in a business suit nervously tugs at his tie, briefcase in one hand, as he sits outside a boardroom to pitch his idea to a bunch of stuffed shirts. Is this all ringing a bell? Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, let’s lighten things up a bit and get to the reality of pitching to real people at a writer’s conference.
If you’re lucky enough to attend a good conference, you might have a scenario similar to what we have at the Las Vegas Writer’s Conference. I am using this conference as an example not only to once again plug it (it takes place 19-21 April), but also because I have intimate knowledge of how this conference works.
You’ll sign in, and for the price of admission, get to pick at least one agent appointment slot, maybe more, depending on the schedule and the number of people adding in names. From personal experience, I have never had a problem seeing any agent I have wanted to see. These appointments might be the first, second, or third day, first thing in the morning through the end of the day. Because of that, there’s a good chance that during any sessions you pick, during breaks, and during meals you might find yourself talking face-to-face with the very agent you’re going to be pitching your book to. These are good times to get to know them, feel them out, find out what their likes and dislikes are. Get to know them as a person. You’re more than likely going to find them great people. Once in a while, you’ll find a total jerk. That’s happened to me a few times. I pitched to them anyway. Most of the jerks actually had me send them something and I got the expected results. One took two years to respond! I’d totally forgot about him, then out of the blue, I got a letter. “Not for me.”
Then again, the agent you’re pitching to might be teaching one of the sessions you signed up for. That’s another good way to get to know them and what they stand for, what they like and dislike, and how you might approach them. Meals are a good place to talk shop and hear the latest gossip in the publishing world. You can learn the trends and even find out what’s going on with your genre. That could help you slant your pitch when you sit down with them.
When it’s finally time to sit down, even though you may have met face-to-face before, sit down, shake their hand and introduce yourself. Then, when they ask you to tell them about your book, start out with your slug line. Those are the one or two sentences that should be the first one or two sentences that introduce your story. From there, if you wrote them well, the agent should ask you to tell them more. That’s when you give them a brief, and I mean brief, synopsis of the story including how the story ends.
Do not, and I mean do not ramble on and get off on tangents! Watch the agents’ body language. If their eyes start to wander or glaze over, you’ve lost them. You have to give them a one-two punch. You have to make them want more. When you sit down, your pitch letter, with the short synopsis on the back, should be slipped over to them first thing. They may glance at it, they may not. They may actually read it as they listen to your pitch. However, the chances are, they won’t actually take it. They’ll have you mail it to them. If that’s the case, make sure you revise the letter at the first paragraph to include that it was really nice to meet and talk with them at the Las Vegas Writer’s Conference bla bla bla (or whichever one you attend). That paragraph is key, so that it puts a time and place on your meeting. Also at the bottom of the letter, make sure to include “I’ve attached … sample chapters and a … page synopsis per your request.”
One more thing, never ever pitch your book in casual conversation! Don’t be pushy! That is a great way to turn them off. However, if you’re talking at lunch or dinner and the subject of your writing comes up and the agent says, “Well, tell me about your book,” they’re inviting you in. Otherwise, leave the pitching for your appointment.
Until next time… the usual.
PITCHING TO AN AGENT – THE SYNOPSIS
THE SYNOPSIS
I’ve decided to move on, having said enough about pitch letters for now. If any of you want more on them, just ask, and I’ll throw in some more at a later date.
The synopsis is a breakdown of your story. It’s another form of an outline, but in complete sentences, no bullets. The purpose of the synopsis is to tell your complete story to the agent or publisher. Specifically, you need to outline the main character, the main conflict, and the resolution. Yes, you must tell the ending. The synopsis tells the complete story, from beginning to end, in abbreviated form. The key is the length. For a pitch letter at a conference, and for some queries to agents, it should be one page. For some agent queries, it might be two to three pages. From there, where a full manuscript is requested, it could be three to ten pages, depending on the individual requirements of the agency. The key is to follow their instructions explicitly. As a general rule, stick to one page unless told otherwise. One good thing about sticking to these rigid requirements is that it keeps your writing tight.
A synopsis can be extremely hard to write properly. However, the synopsis can also be a very good way to reveal how well your story has been put together. It is a good way to spot any red flags in flow and plot. When you break down your story into a few paragraphs, just to get the key plot elements, you’re going to see right away if it all holds together. If, at the end of your synopsis, you notice that the story doesn’t hold water, you may need to go back and do some rewriting!
One way to develop your synopsis is to start by describing each scene or each chapter (if you have a lot) in one bullet sentence. Compile all of these bullets and look them over for the key patterns. If something looks extraneous, maybe it shouldn’t be there. Once you have that down, turn these bullets into sentences and then organized paragraphs so that they flow together.
As for me, I have the whole story in my head. In my creative process, I only know where I want to start and where I want to end, the middle is a total surprise. You’ve heard that all before, right? Well, once I get going and write it all down, it becomes locked in my head. As I edit it over and over again, the plot and all the details become locked in so when I sit down to write my synopsis, I already have the big picture going for me. I don’t have to bullet out each chapter. However, I don’t expect all of you out there to write or create the same way I do, so I’m throwing that bullet method out for you.
The key elements are that you introduce the main character and maybe their adversary by name only. Everyone else remains unnamed. They’re just anonymous characters as far as the synopsis is concerned. The first time you name these one or two characters, you put them in italics. From then on, they’re in regular font. Don’t get bogged down in unnecessary details such as naming a whole bunch of characters, names or places in the story. Don’t list time lines either, especially on a one-page synopsis! Describe the plot, describe what happens, describe what, where, when, why and how the character gets from point a to point b in the story and what happens at the end. Nothing more, nothing less.
If you’re writing a two, three or more page synopsis, a few sentences per chapter might be appropriate unless you have eighty chapters. Again, if you do this, it should read almost like a short story. It should make sense on its own. If it doesn’t, you need to work on the plot of your book some more before you try pitching it.
Now, the final element to all of this, before you ever even think of turning it in to an agent or publisher: Get someone or several other people to read it first! There’s nothing like second sets of eyes to see what you can’t!
Not sure what I’ll post next week as I can’t post one of my real synopses without giving away the plot to one of my unpublished books. Sorry. I’ll think of something else. Until next time, happy writing.
THE PITCH LETTER – ONE THAT WORKED
Now I’m going to show you a pitch letter that worked. Below is the letter that I handed to the publisher that gave me the contract for my upcoming novel, Meleena’s Adventures – Treasure Of The Umbrunna. Keep in mind that I handed it to her at the Las Vegas Writer’s Conference and pitched to her in person. After I sold her on the idea, she had me send it along with the first 50 pages plus a synopsis, which was on the back of this letter.
I have included notes of explanation where appropriate, and left off the headers and dates and a photo, which is something (the photo) you shouldn’t put on a letter you are mailing out! Also, I modified parts of it so as not to give away the actual plot in case anyone wants to read the book.
Re: Meleena’s Adventures – Treasure Of The Umbrunna
Fantasy – 79,500 words
Pen name: Ray Brooks (I have since dumped this idea and will go with my real name).
All she wanted was to get rich, but in the end, will she sacrifice all to help another? If she isn’t careful, people may start to think she’s a decent person. (This is the pitch line, the first thing I said to her after introducing myself.)
Meleena goes through life one picked pocket at a time. With a wild heart, she spends each night with a different man, and often wakes up in a strange place. When she goes after a valuable pearl hidden in a lost city called Slab, she figures this is the way to the easy life. An old magick user named Grel may hold the key to finding this pearl, and he insists she not go alone if she hopes to survive. Despite second thoughts and an aversion to working with others, she gathers a team and heads for the lost city. However, she’s not the only one after the pearl, and Meleena enters into a race to get there first. (This is the body of the text. It should be one paragraph, but I broke a rule and made it two short ones. It worked. They were condensed from the original. The whole point was that the entire letter had to fit on one page, letterhead, spacing, signature, credits, all of it. Keep it brief!)
As she fights her way to the lost city, Meleena discovers she’s out of her element in the wilds. Her companions help her survive, and she learns to trust others. After a hazardous journey, she reaches the pearl first, but is betrayed by one of her friends. After escaping, she learns that Grel has been manipulating her all along, and the pearl isn’t what it seems. Besides the monetary value, it’s the only way to provide a cure for the queen of her kingdom, Grel’s former lover. She’s now faced with making a huge profit or helping the queen. This wasn’t the easy life she envisioned.
I’m a member of the Henderson Writer’s Group in Henderson, Nevada. My short story, The House, appeared in the anthology Between the Pages, 2003. The Walk Home was published in the story collection Writer’s Bloc 2006, The Basement in Writer’s Bloc 2, 2008, and Fun In The Outland in First Voyage, 2008. (Remember, relevant writing credits, which should include a writer’s group, if you are in one. Though none of these stories are actually fantasy, the chances of the publisher or agent checking, or actually finding those books were pretty slim, so I took the chance. Turns out, many of those books were for sale at the conference! Also, the titles could mean anything, and at least they show I’m a prolific and published writer. Just make sure if you do this, you don’t put something down that is obviously not relevant, like a cookbook for my fantasy genre.)
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Fred B. Rayworth
There you go. An example, a visual aid, without giving away too much of the actual story, but hopefully, enticing you to read it. This example also gives you an idea of one way to successfully pitch to an agent. Next time, I’ll either go over some variations of the pitch letter, or move on to the synopsis, depending if I can find some good pitch letter example formats I want to present without confusing you.
THE PITCH LETTER – WHAT NOT TO DO
In this part we’ll get down to some technical thingies. We’re going to go over what not to do.
I mentioned never to use negativity or put yourself down. Here are a few examples. Some are overt, while a few may be a bit more subtle.
I know you get lots of submissions, but before you throw mine in the slush pile, I’d appreciate if you’d give me a chance.
Ding ding ding! Red flag! You’re starting negative right out of the gate! Don’t even bring the subject up! In the first place, you should be starting with your slug line. Second, you’re giving the agent the perfect excuse to do just what you are hoping they won’t do.
I’ve been submitting to lots of agents, but was hoping you’d be the right one for my work.
Do I have to explain this one?
I’m a struggling writer and found your agency on line. I would like to present my character…
A little more subtle, but saying you are a struggling writer is not only a cliché, but it’s a given and also a negative. No need to voice it. Scratch the first sentence.
Thank you for considering my work. I may not be the best writer in the world, but I know I’ve come up with a winner here.
You had him or her at the first sentence and blew it with the rest. Hack off that second sentence.
Now for a little biography sample.
I’m an accomplished writer with high grades in English grammar in high school and college. I excelled at all of my term papers and almost had an article published in the alumni newsletter but due to budget constraints, the issue was never printed. I had a short story called The Flag printed in Mystery Journal for Fiberglas Press, 1989.
She’s a mystery writer. The only relevant credit is the last one. The rest of it is pure fluff and irrelevant. Trash it. Inflating a bio with irrelevant material is no way to win friends with an agent. If you only have one credit, so be it. In the good old days, it was okay to throw in the kitchen sink. Nowadays, agents don’t have time to slog through all this crap looking for gems. You’re better off to keep it tight and right. Besides, almosts don’t count.
I’m sure you get lots of really “great” stories at your agency, but now get ready for a real treat. XXX will blow you away.
Oh, please! Sarcasm, conceit, grammar problems, the list goes on.
That’s it for now. Next time, an example of a query letter that worked. From there I’ll discuss other forms of query letters and why they may or may not work.
The Worlds Of Fred Rayworth 